Remembering Alex

Alexandra Manos October 5, 1993 - June 29, 2017

On Thursday, June 29, 2017, our 23-year-old daughter's life came to an abrupt and heartbreaking end when she took her life. Alexandra Gabrielle Manos (Alex) was one of the most kind, thoughtful, gentle souls, and one of the greatest gifts in our life and in the lives of so many who knew her. She loved people and saw the best in them. She made the world a brighter place even while she battled her own internal pain. Alex had moved home a few months before her death and was getting professional help. We won't know this side of heaven what happened in that moment where the pain caused her to take such a drastic action, but we do know this ... she was loved dearly, cared for, and that moment does not define her beautiful life. She was a believer in the Lord Jesus and she had a personal relationship with Him. We know where she is. She rests safely in the arms of Jesus. She is free, whole, healed, happy, and we will see her again one day. James, Olivia, Blake, and I are drawing close to one another and to God. He is upholding us and sustaining us even now.

I posted this on my Facebook page just days after Alex's death on July 3. I pray it is a comfort to you.

Words are containers. They mean things and they carry weight. This morning I woke up with these thoughts ...

This is devastating, but we are not devastated

This is heartbreaking, but we are not broken

This is crushing, but we are not crushed

This is shattering, but we are not shattered

This is a dark road, but we have light

This is dreadful, but we are not full of dread or fear

This is overwhelming, but we will not be overwhelmed and consumed by despair

We are deeply wounded. We have all suffered an inconceivable loss. Our hearts are raw and hurting. We will need love and care for months to come. We will need gentleness and kindness. We will need time and space. And yet, there is an inexplicable rest even now in knowing that we are held tightly in the palm of our Heavenly Father's hand, surrounded by family and friends and the body of Christ ... loving us, supporting us, upholding us. We have to walk through this horrific ordeal, but He is walking with us and He is caring for us. We are not alone.

There is a hole in our lives that cannot be filled ... except by the One who loves us and died for us. Even as I weep buckets of tears and the ache in my heart swells, I know without a shadow of a doubt that He truly does heal the brokenhearted. He is our healer, even now. Nothing will bring our beautiful daughter back. And oh, how I wish we could. Our lives are forever changed.

And yet ... there is a peace that passes understanding in this moment because of Jesus. He is real. He loves us. He loves you. We are hidden under the shadow of His wing. Safe. Held. Loved.

It would be so easy to focus on the devastation, on the loss, and to be consumed by grief. But, even as I cry and I ache over her absence, my mind and heart just keep coming back to the anchor for my soul, the solid foundation under our feet because of our faith in Jesus. He is there. Immovable. Loving. Weeping with us. Covering us. Carrying us.

For all who knew and loved our girl ... you are in my thoughts and I am praying for you. She was a remarkable person who touched the lives of so, so many. I know you are hurting, too. I am praying for peace to your hearts and minds, comfort, and rest. Remember who she was. The joy she brought. And smile ... even as you weep ... because of who she was and the light and life she brought everywhere she went.

 Video from Alex's memorial service August 7, 2017
https://youtu.be/zEWQKnIpfNc